A problem shared by mother-of-four and GP Clare Bailey: Screen time is making my grandson, 4, miserable

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Q I’m very close with my four-year-old grandson and visit him two or three times a week — often after school. Recently I’ve noticed he’s become a bit withdrawn — he no longer runs to hug me when I arrive and when I ask him how his day has been, he’s monosyllabic. He used to be brimming with enthusiasm.

My son and daughter-in-law haven’t mentioned anything, but I’m worried that screen time has something to do with it. Since the pandemic, they have relied on TV and the iPad more and more to keep him occupied, particularly when they have work to finish. He watches at least an hour of TV after school – sometimes double. He’s started to play games on the iPad too. Do you think this is to blame for the change in him? And what should I do?

An anonymous grandmother, who lives in the UK, says her four-year-old has become a bit withdrawn (file image)

A It's worrying when a child you love has lost their enthusiasm and zest for life. And you are right that there has been higher screen use in the pandemic, which in turn is linked with worsening mental health in children.

As a grandparent, of course, you have to tread carefully, as most parents can be sensitive to something that feels like criticism. You might start with having a chat with your son and daughter-in-law, saying you adore your grandson and sharing your concerns. Is he getting enough sleep and exercise? Is he seeing friends? Is there anything you can do to help?

As for screens, the World Health Organisation recommends the under-twos avoid screens altogether and says those aged between two and five should be limited to an hour a day.

But not all screens are the same. Chatting with Granny on Zoom is not like playing Grand Theft Auto. Screens can be a great way to learn, have fun, and can be a sanity saver to an overloaded parent, helping to distract a child.

GP and mother-of-four Clare Bailey (pictured) told the reader to spend extra time playing and chatting with her grandson

But research shows that for children aged two to three, more screen time is linked with worse behaviour, as well as reduced brain and social development at the age of three.

What if he is watching educational material? A review found that programmes such as Baby Einstein are not an effective teaching tool. Not surprisingly, young children are hard-wired to learn best through interactions with real people, not cartoons.

Offer your daughter-in-law practical help, perhaps spend extra time just playing and chatting with your grandson. Or even better, take him out for a walk or to the park. Write a list with him of activities he could do.

Help set up parental controls and time limits on use. Encourage a parent to be nearby when he is on a screen.

The quality of what your child is exposed to is more significant than the time spent. Explain that if he chooses to do more there will be consequences such as less time on the next occasion.

Having clear rules for screen time should reduce confrontation and contain his use.

He is lucky to have the support of an engaged grandparent like you around.

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You can write to Clare at drclarebailey@dailymail.co.uk or Daily Mail, Northcliffe House, 2 Derry Street, London W8 5TT.