Almost all of your criticisms go away if you 1. Don't rely on net metering and 2. Have a battery backup. Which is true of all Tesla installs, and the better systems from other installers.
I agree that net metering in most places is poorly thought out and encourages suboptimal system sizing. So, don't take net metering into account for your system... in your economic analysis, plan for it to supply something less than 100% of your load. Net metering isn't required to make a solid ROI unless you have a system way too large for your needs.
The other concern, placing extra demands on the grid, is also overstated thanks to the fact that the main electric load (running A/C) coincides exactly with the periods of highest solar output. If you have a backup battery, even better, as the surplus goes to charge up your battery during the day, and slowly releases it at night.
I suspect you may live in a location that is bad for solar... low A/C costs, lots of cloudy days. If you are in the West/Southwest, the economics are much more attractive. But yeah, there's no question that there are lots of cheap energy improvements that ought to take precedence over solar if you're trying to engineer an optimal solution - once you've insulated, planted trees and swapped out lightbulbs, though, it's a pretty excellent thing to become your own microgrid, power your own vehicle, insure against inflation, protect yourself from grid outages, and get a reasonable return on your investment at the same time.