11.45am After a 45-minute drive from Innsbruck airport, I arrive at Schloss Elmau (from £233pp, schloss-elmau.de) in the Bavarian Alps. The ‘thinking person’s wellness hotel’, it features spas, sports and culture. With snow outside and opulence inside, I could definitely feel well here.
12.45pm In my presidential suite (the hotel has hosted two G7 summits) I wonder: which world leader has slept in my bed? Trying not to imagine Boris in my superking (a sure wellness killer), I make for the hotel’s Tutto Mondo restaurant for winter cod with pickled grapes.
3pm After a quick picture-perfect hike, it’s sauna time at Schloss Elmau’s outdoor nature spa. Cue a hut by a stream, where a therapist, dressed in just a napkin, wafts a towel to disperse essential oils through 32C heat. The oils are a treat; a dip in the icy stream less so.
7pm Some intel: the Schloss is not one but two buildings: there’s the modern Retreat, where I’m staying, and, a mere skip away, the 19th-century Hideaway. Here I order sushi on repeat at its Pan-Asian Fidelio restaurant, before drinks and live jazz in the Al Comino bar.
9am Ready to herabschauender hund? (that’s downward dog to you). Yep, I do hatha yoga in German, which I don’t speak, so it’s a little stressful. Next, my five-star breakfast buffet of eggs, fruit, granola, cold meats, cake and fizz ensures any wellness-ometer hit is temporary.
11am Can I ski? No, I get overtaken by kids on nursery slopes. Still, I plan to nail a cross-country skiing lesson. How hard can it be? Well, quite hard. But I do stay upright and, by moving at 5mph, I get to lap up views of the Zugspitze, Germany’s highest mountain.
2pm Hello, signature relaxing massage – a mix of Swedish, sports and Thai techniques plus, I swear, wrestling holds. It’s firm but blissful. Next, the outdoor saltwater pool – eyes on the scenery not the naked bathers. Finally, tea and turkish delight in the Oriental Hamam lounge.
8pm My brain wants some wellness, so I pull up a chair in the Hideaway’s 300-seat concert hall. Culture is in Schloss Elmau’s DNA; everyone from writer Ian McEwan to musician Jacob Collier has appeared here. Tonight I’m wowed by Beethoven, courtesy of pianist Alice Sara Ott.
8am Hometime, but not before a dip in the piping-hot Japanese onsen pool and a selfie on a bench made famous by Angela Merkel and Barack Obama in 2015. Did the G7-ers leave feeling as well as I do? I reckon so – I heard they all spent a lot of time in the saunas!