The Obamas Aren’t Divorcing. Michelle Is Just Embracing ‘No.’

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The idea that Michelle Obama skipped Donald Trump’s second inauguration because she was mad at the former president she’s married to — not the one she has been publicly criticizing for years — never really made sense. Nevertheless, Barack Obama’s solo appearance at Trump’s second swearing-in added fuel to months-old rumors that the Obamas were about to divorce (rumors largely based on a tabloid article about Barack dating Jennifer Aniston, which the Friends star had already debunked).

Now we know the real reason Michelle Obama wasn’t at Trump’s inauguration: She has started practicing “the art of saying ‘no.’” And that meant opting out of the “hypocrisy and contradiction” taking place at the U.S. Capitol on January 20.

On the latest episode of her podcast, IMO, which she co-hosts with her brother, Craig Robinson, Michelle Obama told guest Taraji P. Henson that after years of raising her family and serving as First Lady, she’s trying to prioritize herself. “I’m here really trying to own my life and intentionally practice making the choice that was right for me,” she said.

Obama said that despite her success, she still finds this difficult, and the reaction to her “decision to skip the inauguration” shows “what makes it hard.” She explained, “my decision to make choices at the beginning of this year that suited me [was] met with such ridicule and criticism. Like people couldn’t believe that I was saying ‘no’ for any other reason that they had to assume that my marriage was falling apart.”

Obama added that she had to “basically trick” herself out of attending “and it started with not having anything to wear.” She told her team not to prepare an outfit for the inauguration so she couldn’t succumb to her old people-pleasing ways.

“What does that teach [my daughters] if I, after all that I’ve done in this world … I still have to show people that I love my country, that I’m doing the right thing?” she said. “That I’m ‘going high’ all the time, even at a time of a lot of hypocrisy and contradiction? All I’m doing is keeping that crazy bar that our mothers and grandmothers set for us.”

Obama denied the divorce rumors more obliquely earlier this month. On Sophia Bush’s Work in Progress podcast, Obama remarked that people “couldn’t even fathom that I was making a choice for myself, that they had to assume that my husband and I are divorcing.” But the Henson episode, the ninth since IMO launched on March 12, marked the first time Obama has explicitly explained her absence from the inauguration. Apparently, ignoring the pressure to immediately shoot down rumors about the state of her marriage and her ongoing Trump beef is all part of Obama’s new “just say ‘no’” lifestyle.