‘I thought I was dead.’
Listening to former cricketer Freddie Flintoff speaking about the impact of a carcrash he had in 2022 while filming a Top Gear stunt, it was clear to me it must have been an unimaginable emotional trauma.
This latest revelation is part of his new Disney+ film entitled Flintoff, adding: ‘I still live it every day, it’s a movie in my head. Because after the accident, I didn’t think I had it in me to get through.’
He went on to reveal that his helmet slipped over his eyes and as he pushed it back, his vision filled with blood. Then in the wake of this crash that almost killed him, he was left with PTSD and anxiety so bad that he couldn’t leave his house for months, as well as facial scars from a lacerated nose, cheek and mouth.
This will be impossible to comprehend for most. But having been there myself, I know in part what must go through his mind when he looks in the mirror and has a constant reminder of the crash staring back at him.
In my case, I was actually asleep when I was in a crash in 2015 at the age of 22. I woke up in a van on the side of the road in Ghana and felt that my face had been completely cut open by glass.
At least I was blissfully unaware of what had happened. But for Freddie, seeing the terror unfold and living with the mental scars of those images is something I do not envy in the slightest.
This latest Disney+ offering comes about after Freddie opened up for the first time in his BBC documentary last year, entitled Field of Dreams: On Tour. The latter featured footage in the immediate aftermath of the incident, with Freddie’s face in stitches and a bandage.
Now he’s gone into even more detail about the moment he almost died.
‘Everything slows down,’ he revealed. ‘It’s so weird. When you play cricket, you get 0.4 of a second to make your mind up what shot you’re gonna play. And as the car started going over, I looked at the ground, and I knew, if I get hit here, on this side of my head, I’m gonna break my neck. If I get hit on the temple, I’m dead.’
He added: ‘The best chance is to go face down.’ And that’s how the cricketing legend got his facial scars.
The physical injuries are one thing, but it sounds like the mental scars are impacting him far more significantly, with him confessing he’s unable to see co-host Paddy McGuinness as often before for fear he’d find it triggering.
Part of his turmoil might also come from the fact that he apparently raised concerns about his safety before his crash.
Could he be grappling with the internal conflict brought on by knowing he could have called it off, but – for whatever reason – he went ahead?
Forgiving others can be easier than forgiving ourselves.
Although my own accident was due to human error, I’ve been able to find peace and reconcile the fact that there’s nothing that I personally could have done to prevent it. I hope Freddie can get to a place like this too.
If this new Disney+ film is anything to go by, he clearly feels compelled to help others who have had a rough time in life to find a healthy path. This latest project explores his recovery journey – including endless hospital appointments and surgery – to feel comfortable with his appearance.
The medical trauma behind scar rehabilitation is not to be taken lightly. And for an athlete who uses their body like their instrument, seeing it shut down must feel like spinning out of control.
It’s incredibly difficult to feel like yourself when you no longer look like yourself. But personally, I think scars are cool.
I also think they’re hardly noticeable, but perhaps that’s because I see scars all day every day when working with the facial difference community through running Face Equality International, a campaign advocating for the rights of those with facial differences.
Where to watch Freddie Flintoff's 'unmissable' documentary
Freddie Flintoff's new documentary on Disney+, titled 'Flintoff', explores his terrifying Top Gear crash in 2022 and his subsequent recovery.
The film provides an intimate look at his physical and emotional journey, featuring personal insights, interviews with family and friends, and footage from the accident.
Premiering on April 25 2025, this documentary reveals how Flintoff navigated life-changing injuries and his path to reinvention.
Sign up to Disney+ now from £4.99 a month. No extra costs. Cancel at any time. Better yet? Get 12 months for the price of 10 with an annual subscription, compared to paying monthly, on your Premium or Standard plan.
So it’s important for me to point out that the size or ‘severity’ of a disfigurement – which is a controversial word for some, but one that I personally like to reclaim to fight stigma – is not an indicator of the mental impact it has on the person. Because again, it’s not just about the outward appearance element.
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One thing shines through this latest Flintoff film on Disney+ – the support of his wife and his love for sport that has helped him rebuild his life. That’s incredibly heart-warming to hear.
I’m so glad that he’s openly sharing his struggle again, and giving people with facial differences the healing representation of what it’s really like behind the scenes.
There’s no doubt that everyone – cricket fan or not – will adore this man for sharing his gift with the world.
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A version of this article was originally published on August 20, 2024
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